Have you ever been in the midst of a season you just can’t wait to get out of?
I have a two-year-old.
There are many days when I cannot wait for him to be three or four or eighteen! Unfortunately, I often am not thinking of what he wants but what I want… I want to eat a meal without food being thrown on the floor, I want to have a conversation without a temper tantrum or meltdown, I want to stay out past 7:30 at night, I want… I want… I want…
Of course the truth is there are many things about this season that I will want back in a few years… snuggling in the rocking chair for bedtime stories, spinning circles in the living room just to get dizzy, holding hands to cross the street. While this reality may be obvious, I know I translate much of this selfish, one-sided mentality into my relationship with God. I think only of what I want rather than focusing on the good things that are happening.
I have been in a very difficult season for the past year and it is very easy for me to wonder, often aloud in my prayer times, “When is this season going to change?” In Psalm 90, Moses recounts that the Lord is the beginning and end of all things and prays that we might have perspective of the infinite:
12″So teach us to number our days
that we may get a heart of wisdom.
13Return, O LORD! How long?”
When walking through seasons with God, this is a fitting prayer. I was challenged by my friend, Steph, that although this season has been excruciatingly difficult, there may come a time when I long for this season with God again. A season where prayer flows constantly without effort and longing for His presence is almost overwhelming; where the consciousness of my sin is real and grace abounds freely. I must purpose myself to look past my own selfish wants for comfort and choose to see how He is refining me in this season.
Am I patient with God?
Am I kind when He doesn’t answer in my timing?
Am I rude to the people he sends to speak into my life?
Am I constantly reminding Him of my strengths?
Am I keeping a record of all the wrongs I want God to set right?
Am I really believing and hoping that God can change me?
Am I willing to endure whatever comes my way this season?
Oh Lord, teach me how to love as you.